A Journal of a Sordid Affair
by forgetablelove
Summary: In journal form Draco and Hermione tells what happens when they meet in the library after hours one night. One is seeking revenge, and the other lets them have their way. They both have surprising reactions to the intercounter.
1. Chapter 1

**Draco**

I always go to the library after hours when I want some time alone. No one is ever in there and if somehow is it's always that Mudblood and we ignore each other. My father had angered me with his recent letter yelling at me about my poor games in Potions. He claims I need high marks to be able to have a good future. He wants me to have the same future he wanted while he was here, but I don't want that. And even I do want that, I don't want him choosing that for me. I refuse to let him control my life. He can control my mother since even though she is a Pureblood she is weak and allows him, but he will not control my life.

She was in the library studying, alone. She's always studying alone it seems or with Potter and Weasley getting Gryffindor in trouble. Not that I mind Gryffindor, Potter, and Weasley in trouble, but I don't see why she gets involved each time. But then again, she is just a filthy little Mudblood. She was sitting there pouring over books for Potions and didn't notice my approach. I was just going to insult her, but something happened.

I stood there staring at her for a moment before she noticed the shadow over her book I had created. When she saw me she rolled her eyes and told me to go away. I didn't listen to her, just stood there thinking of the best way to insult her. And I did. We insulted each other for at least ten minutes before I noticed the fire in her eyes. There was actual fire in the Mudblood eyes. And it hit me, the perfect way to get back at my father: to fuck a Mudblood, Dumbledore's ally, and Potter's friend.

I quickly, before she could scream or fight, trapped her in a kiss. After a moment, to my surprise, the Mudblood kissed me back. I ripped her clothes off, and took off mine. She wasn't a dreadful sight either unclothed. She was slender, fit, and had full breasts. I didn't touch her breasts since I wasn't there for her pleasure, just for my own revenge. Pinning her to the library table (she wasn't fighting, she was responding to my touch), I fucked her. I hurt her. Oh, she was ready for me, but she was a virgin and it felt good to take the Mudblood's virginity, to cause her pain. She didn't scream though, just moaned in pain. Soon, though, to my surprise and honestly pleasure, she was responding again. She had an orgasm, and I had to let go. I made her take my cloak and I took her ripped robes with me. I left her alone in the library, naked and probably quite sore.

I raped Hermione Granger.

**Hermione**

I was in the library after hours studying and Draco Malfoy came in. We insulted each other, but then he was on me. He kissed me. Draco was kissing me! I didn't fight him, though. I will never lie to myself, and say that Draco is unattractive. No, Draco is a gorgeous man. Even as hard and cold as he is on the inside, he's a gorgeous man on the outside. No woman would claim she didn't like advances from him. I didn't fight him. I refused to put up a fight. I was at least going to try to enjoy it, if I could. I mean how many chances would I get to kiss Draco Malfoy anyway?

Feelings I had never experienced before overcame me. I had kissed Ron on several occasions, and even had snogging sections. But nothing he made me feel could complete with what Draco was creating inside me. There was a fire in the pit of my stomach. Each time he slanted his mouth over mine, the fire grew stronger. Before I could stop myself I found myself kissing him back. I know that shocked him because he jumped when my tongue brushed against his. But he didn't stop. If anything, he grew more determined. He ripped off my robes. Yes, ripped literally. He took his precious time undressing himself though. He is a gorgeous man. Perfect, slender, hard, defined. I looked my fill at him, and I know he enjoyed it. When he looked at me, naked, he didn't have a look of repulsion on his face either.

He pinned me to the table, but I didn't fight him. I pulled him on top of me instead. I wasn't experienced in what was going to happened, but I'm not dumb either. It hurt. I didn't scream though. I knew if I screamed someone would come, and for some reason, I didn't want him to stop. He didn't move for a few moments... I think he was letting the pain recede. Strangely enough I found myself thinking that was an interesting thing for Draco Malfoy to do. When he started move in me, I felt more feelings I never felt before. The fire in my stomach had swamped over my whole body and I felt hotter than I ever had before. I copied his movements, and I think that surprised him. The feelings built and built until I felt something I've never felt before explode inside me. It felt so good, I actually moaned with pleasure. In the library, with Draco of all people inside me. He also moaned with pleasure a moment after I did (as if he was triggered by my release) and collapsed on top of me. Strangely enough, he braced his weight so it wasn't fully on me, and I felt that was a strange thing for Draco to do, almost considerate.

After a few moments, he rolled off me and stood up. He gave me his cloak (since my robes were ripped, and he didn't repair them but insisted on taking them with him. He claimed he didn't want me to have "evidence" of what happened. To be honest, I don't know what exactly happened.). Then he left as cold and as hard as he ever was towards me. I was naked, sore, and alone in the library. I found myself wishing Draco would have stayed with me.

**Draco**

From the shadows, I watched her sit alone in the libray, my cloak pulled over her body. She stayed there alone for awhile, unmoving. When she finally got up she was cautious. I saw her grimace in pain when she began to walk. She was obliviously in pain–pain I caused her. I thought she was going to fall when she stumbled, but I didn't move from my position in the shadows. I felt the urge to go to her, to hold her even. But I stayed in my positions in the shadows. I followed her to the staircase I knew that leaded to the Gryffindor dormitories, treading softly so she didn't hear my steps. She walked slow and cautiously. I felt a twinge of guilt of causing her that pain, but I pushed it away, reminding myself it was only part of the revenge, that she was Potter and Wealsey's friend, and of course, she was only a filthy little Mudblood after all.

After she was in her dormitories I walked down to the dungeons, to my own Slytherin dormitories. I enjoyed the long walk, thinking of my revenge. I probably won't tell my father what I had done until after our last day at Hogwarts, but I would someday. I had my revenge on my father. He was not going to control me. He was on going to control my life and my choices. My mother may be weak and let him control her, but I refuse to. I will live my own life, no matter what he thinks.

That night, as I laid in bed, I thought of her. Her touch, her reaction, her sweet smell... I thought that if that was how revenge always was, it was indeed sweet.

**Hermione**

For days after my meeting with Draco in the library I was sore, but tried to hide it the best I could. No one asked why, but I did get strange looks from professors and my fellow students. Anytime I was in the Great Hall or a classroom with Draco, I felt my eyes drift to him. I can't help but recall his touch, so gentle (Draco gentle?), yet so hard at the same time. I don't know if I should have had my first experience on the library table, but I did and strangely enough, I don't regret it. I just wounder if I will ever be able to experience his touch again; I wanted to experience his touch again.

Ron keeps trying to get me alone, but I avoid it at all cost. After Draco, Ron seems so inexperienced, young, and platonic. There is no real attraction to him anymore, if there ever was. He never asks what's wrong and why I keep making excuses, he just lets me. He doesn't insist so I assume he doesn't particularly want to be with me anyway. Somehow the thought of Ron not wanting me does not hurt. To be honest, as long as he is still my friend, I don't want anything more with him. We tried, and we failed.

I caught Draco staring at me once. He sneered at me once he caught me looking back, but at first I noticed it was a soft stare full of longing. I can't help but hope that he recalls how night and wants the same thing I do: another night. I wish that I could bring myself to tell him, but I can't. He still insults Harry, Ron, and I every chance he gets, but I notice the malice in his insults towards me has left some.

I saw him this morning with Pansy from Slytherin hanging all over him. What he sees in that cow I don't know! She's an evil girl and everyone knows she's been with every guy–including Crabbe and Goyle–in Slytherin. Including Draco. I can't put my finger on why, (even though even I have inkling why) but each time I think of Draco with someone else–anyone else really–I can't help but be jealous. Jealous they are receiving his touch and I am not. I feel as if I'm still sitting in the library that night when he left me, alone, naked, and hurt (only this time, emotionally).

Maybe we can find each other alone in the library again. Or maybe Owlery with the night sky to look at and the cool breeze creating by the wind or owls flying about.

**Ginny**

Something is wrong with Hermione. I know it. Something has changed. She avoids being alone with Ron. Just last week she was finding excuses to be alone with him, but now she is avoiding it at all costs. She makes up ridiculous excuses, too! Ron doesn't seem to notice, but I don't how long his ignorance will last. A couple of days ago she was walking as if she was hurt, but not on the leg. As if she was hurt somewhere else... I have my suspicions why, but it doesn't add up if she is avoiding Ron. The night before she starting walking like she was hurt and acting suspiciously (consequentially it all started the same day), she was alone in the library studying until well past the time I went to bed. I can't help but wonder if Ron did something to hurt her... but he's Ron, my brother, and he cares so much for Hermione. I don't know what to think anymore.

When I told Harry my suspicions, he agreed Hermione was acting strangely, but promises he knows nothing. I can't help but feel concerned for her. I also see her looking towards the Slytherins at almost every meal. I can never follow her glaze enough to see who she is staring at, but there is never a look of hatred in her eyes. This worries me all the more than anything. I don't know why it does, but something about the way she is staring at the Slytherins doesn't seem to fit at all. Or does it? Something is going on, and she isn't saying a word, and she never keeps secrets from me. I was the first to find out she had a crush on my brother (but, of course, I had my suspicions before she confirmed them). If I didn't know any better I'd say she was ashamed of the reason she is acting strangely and of the reason she was sore (I believe they are actually the same reason). I didn't tell Harry, but I don't think Hermione is a virgin anymore.

**Draco**

I heard that she was avoiding her boyfriend, Weasley. No one will say why, but I believe I know. Maybe no one actually knows but me. She probably was too ashamed to tell anyone come to think of it. For some reason, I hate the fact she might have been ashamed of what happened. I know I should feel relieve I'll never be found out, but somehow I wish she would tell someone so I could boast. But I do find a bit of pride in the fact she is obliviously no longer satisfied with Weasley after me. I still wonder what took Weasley so long to take her. I guess just some guys are just so slow, he probably didn't even realize she wanted to have sex. Wait, did she want to have sex with him? Ha, probably not. Who would want a Weasley anyway?

No not boast, just talk about it. Something changed inside me that night and it wasn't finally getting revenge towards my father. It was her losing herself in my arms. My arms; not Weasley's. She caught me staring at her once.. I have a feeling she stares at me times I don't know, but I also stare at her when she is not looking, so I guess it's rather fair. I haven't talked to her since that night, but to insult Potter, Weasley, and her. I have to keep up appearances. The fire in her eyes are still there, but somehow tainted. As if the fire isn't there out of anger... but out of habit. I saw her staring at me as Pansy was trying to get me to meet her in the common room after it emptied. I was about to refuse Pansy when I saw her. She looked angry, and had the fire of angry passion in her eyes again. I can't help but wonder if it was because Pansy was flirting. I took Pansy up on her offer, but she wasn't as good as she used to be.

I found myself thinking of her instead of Pansy when I came... this scares me. Luckily I didn't call her name, or else I would have been found out. Somehow, Pansy and everyone else finding out doesn't scare me (and if I slipped to Pansy, even in the act of sex, she would tell anyone and everyone in Slytherin–and since it concerns a Malfoy, they would all listen–that I called a Mudblood's name, especially since she would be hurt. Not that she cares for me, her pride would be hurt.). Her, the Mudblood's, reaction scares me. What if she is angry? What if she hates me? What if she is ashamed of that night? What would it do to her reputation and friendships if it were ever found out she had sex with Draco Malfoy of all people? What if I never get to touch her again? I think I am beginning to care about the Mudblood, maybe because I've never taken a virgin before, but I don't want to care about her. Her or any other female for that matter. But definitely not her. She's just a filthy little Mudblood.

I think I will die if I don't touch her again.

I think I"m gonna start staking out the library after hours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Draco**

I've been going to the library trying to run into her for two weeks straight now for two hours after hours each night. But I haven't seen a sign of her. Not a sign. It's as if, after what happened, she doesn't leave her dormitories after hours anymore. But that can't be true. She's always been in the library studying even when there's present danger in the castle. She has never varied from her routine before that night. It makes me wonder if that night effected her as much as it effected me. I've never gone to such lengths to try to meet a girl... I stake out the library of all places... yet, she is rejecting me by not allowing me to find her. Girls have always came to me; she is not like all those girls who flock to me, and that's why I'm still attracted to her.

I know it did effect her. She's still stares at me when she doesn't think I know. I feel her eyes on me... I know it's her eyes... Even when I don't catch her in the act, I know it's her. She always seems to look away as soon as I go to meet her eye. I want to be able to talk to her... no, I want to be able to touch her again.

I want her touch again because she's the only girl who's ever made me feel anything but pure lust during sex. But I don't know what I felt, because I've never felt it before.

I wonder was it lust on her part that made her lose herself in my arms? Or was it pure sexual tension from not having known sex before? Couldn't it have happened with any guy or just me?

If this is revenge on my father, why do I feel like I'm the one being punished by being without her?

**Ron**

Hermione is avoiding me. I've had my suspicions for a few weeks now, but I know for sure now. I asked her to meet me in the Owlery before lunch today, but she claimed she was spending her lunch in the library studying. I said I'd meet her in the library... she told me not to... not to bother her. Bother her! I'm her boyfriend, seeing me should not bother her! But I left it alone. Ginny and Harry acted sympathetic during lunch and I couldn't stand it, so I went to the library alone. She wasn't even in there... but somehow I knew she wouldn't be.

Ginny came to find me in the library and told me she thought something was wrong with Hermione. I agree, but I don't know what. Ginny assured me she didn't know what either, but she said it couldn't be something easy. I think I'll try to talk to her again, but this time not take no for an answer. Ginny didn't tell me everything she knew either. I can tell when my own sister is hiding something. She's hiding something; Hermione is hiding something.

Girls are confusing.

**Hermione**

I avoid the library. I don't want to be reminded of the night with Draco. It's been weeks and he hasn't said a word to me. About anything, but insults. Some of the malice has left the insults and stayed out it seems, but they are still insults. No matter how much I want to, I can't bring myself to talk to him. I can stare at him from afar, but I can't talk to him it seems. Every time I even walk by the library I recall that night, his touch... those feelings. I want to experience them again... I want to experience him again. But I won't lower myself to making the first move.

He doesn't seem to think anything has changed. But something has. I don't know what has, but something has changed. Ginny is acting suspicious of me, but I don't know why. She won't tell me what's wrong. Ron asked to meet me before lunch, I avoided going. Too obliviously. I think he suspects something now. What do I do if I drive away Ron just because I had one night in the library with Draco? Is that one night with Draco worth all the lies, the suspicion, the pain?

It scares me to admit that.. I think the answer is yes.

That night is worth it all.

**Draco**

My father is angry again. At me. For not being the perfect Malfoy son. He came to Hogsmeade Village this time when we took a trip there this weekend. He met me at the Three Broomsticks and proceeded to tell me I was a failure. Mother just sat here, staring at us. She didn't defend me, but she didn't agree with Father even. No one in the pub seemed to notice my father's yelling, but of course, we are the Malfoys and no one would dare to correct Lucius Malfoy, not if they valued their personal and family's safety. No one talks about it, but everyone believes my family, including myself, is evil and supports of Lord Voldemort. I know my father is a Death Eater, but me? I'm still trying to find myself... I'm still trying to find out who I support. But it'll be a cold day in hell when I do something just because my father tells me to. And he tries to tell me to become an active support every time he sees me. Hell, I think that's the only reason he sees me, but to tell me I'm a damn failure.

I think he failed me. But no one, but Voldemort, tells Lucius Malfoy anything, not even his own son. Then again, I'm not a son; I'm a possession to him.

If Lucius Malfoy thinks he can control me, then he is in for a surprise.

I was so angry at Father (and Mother, for her indifference) until I saw her. She was with Potter and Weasley and it was from afar, but at least, I saw her. Seeing her helps... why does seeing her help?

Pansy wants to help... She says she can turn my anger (at whom she doesn't know since I'm not stupid enough to tell anyone about Malfoy business) into passion if I fucked her. I think I will. It's been weeks since I last fucked someone, and I think that it will help clear my head. (Maybe it will get her, the Mudblood, out of my head, too.)

**Ron**

I feel inhuman. I feel like a jerk. Ginny and Harry were right, I should have just gave her time to come to me. But I was so afraid she wouldn't ever come to me. Now, after, I'm positive she would never have come to me, and now I will never know what is bothering her. I handled it wrong. I lost her... for good.

I followed her to an empty hallway after hours today so that no one could overhear us. I insisted she talk to me, she reluctantly agreed. We found an empty classroom in the hallway so we could talk in private. At first, we were calm and collective, but then she refused to explain her actions and behavior. I got angry at her for avoiding my questions and answering my questions with questions. She tried to say nothing was wrong, nothing had changed. I lost my temper. I told her that I think she's cheating on me and called her a slut. She slapped me across the face and ran out of the room in tears. I just stood there for a few moments trying to regain my senses. When I went to follow her, she was no where to be found, and I honestly didn't know where to start looking if I wanted to.

I really did it this time. I will never be able to fix this. I can't believe I lost my temper. I can't believe I called Hermione a slut and accused her. Hermione, my Hermione. Now I've lost her... I really wasn't trying to hurt her. She's one of my best friends; I love her; I don't want to lose her. My anger, my hurt, got the best of me. I don't know how to make this up to her. I don't know if she'll even let me try to make it up to her. What I wouldn't give to apologize... But to be honest, I wouldn't blame her if she refuses to listen to my apology. I was a jerk -- an inhuman jerk.

What do I do now? How do I ask her to forgive me when I know I don't deserve her forgiveness?

**Hermione**

I finally talked to Ron today. He followed me and I had to agree to talk to him. I didn't want to talk to him, of course. In an empty classroom, we had a fight. He accused me of cheating on him (which I did, technically... and it makes me feel so guilty. Coming out of his mouth, if makes me feel so... so dirty and like a slut.) When he called me a slut, I slapped him across the face. I ran out of the room in tears, because I knew he was right. I know I owed him more than what I was giving him, but I can't seem to make myself act the same way I did before the night in the library with Draco. Draco Malfoy...

I still can't get Draco out of my head. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get Draco out of my head.

I ran, in tears, to the only place I knew would be likeliest to be empty: the library.

But the library wasn't empty. Draco was standing by some shelves. When he saw me enter, he just stared at me. I tried to wipe my tears, control myself, and look away from him. But his glaze was so strong, I couldn't break it, and soon I just stopped even attempting at collecting myself.

He started to walk towards me, and I walked towards him. I met him in the middle... What happened after that was electric and what I was secretly looking for.

**Draco**

I was staking the library as I have taken to the last couple of weeks, and I was ready to give up when she walked in. Actually, she ran in. She was crying and clearly upset. It broke my heart to see her so upset. I don't know why I care, but I act… a lot more than I want to. Seeing her, upset and crying, made all my pretenses of being in the library melt away. I admitted, even just to myself, I had been in the library for that moment. That moment I could touch her again, feel her, kiss her, be with her.

And then she walked in, tear-stained, vulnerable, and... perfect. I started to walk towards her; she started to walk towards me. When we met... neither of us stopped ourselves. Our lips went together in perfect sync as we slanted over each other's lips again and again. We didn't take a break until I pulled away, realizing that I had unknowingly pulled her into the circle of my arms. She looked up with me with such sweet innocence, breathing hard from our kissing. I asked her.

I actually asked her if she wanted to go farther. I asked her if she wanted to do what we did the other night, this time with her consent. To my surprise, she laughed shakily, and pulled me back to kiss me again. Slowly, thoroughly, with her tongue exploring my mouth. I took that as a yes and expertly started to discard our clothes. She didn't protest, but the contact of our lips wasn't broken again until we had to pull our shifts off (the rest of our clothes already off).

Naked, she stood before me. This time I let myself take her in. She was beautiful with a slender waist, curves, and full breasts. Again, I silently laughed at Weasley for not taking her before (I also silently thanked him for leaving her for me). This time I focused on any part of her body she would let me. She let me do whatever, let me instruct her on what to do. She was perfectly willing and eager. With a small confused "no, I don't think you should." she let me have the very heat of her. She soon lost control, and I think I can safely say she enjoyed herself and would have disliked it immensely if I listened to her at first. Before I left her heat, she was saying, "yes, please, more."

This time when I came into her, I didn't hurt her. I made sure I was slow at first, every moment soft, slow, and shallow, but she wouldn't let me continue. She met each of my movements and I couldn't stop myself from increasing the pace.

Afterward, we laid on the blanket she had conjured up in the middle of the dark library's floor, satisfied and spent. Neither one of us said a word, but I knew I had to leave. If I didn't leave soon who knew what I would say...

She had affected me more this time.

She took me to a place no woman ever has before.

Hermione Granger took me to heaven and beyond.

**Hermione**

He pulled me into his arms as we kissed, and I became aware of all the places we touched. Our lips slanted over each other's; our thighs pressed together; his arms were wrapped around my waist and his hands stroked down my back; my hands just gripped his shoulders, trying to get him as close as possible. He broke away and asked me if I wanted what he did. My only answer, the only one my body would allow me, was to pull him back to continue kissing, He took off our clothes with ease, as I took my time exploring his mouth with my tongue.

He was just as I remember his. Strong, defined, perfect. I let him look at me since that's what he wanted to do, but I never took my eyes off his faces. There was no repulsion; there was only... lust and passion. We started the dance of sex, and I conjured up a blanket for us to lay on. Before I realized what was going on, he was at the place no one ever saw... I started to protest, but it didn't last long when he created such a fire inside me of pleasure feelings with his touch. His strong, gentle touch... I exploded with my pleasure before he moved on. I didn't want him to go, even in the midst of my pleasure.

I braced myself when I realized he was about to come inside me again. I expected pain like the time before, but only felt complete. I felt a completeness I had never felt before... and pleasure. A sexual, primal pleasure I didn't know existed until the first night. Together we came and it was better than the first time.

I never knew anything could feel so right. With anyone, let alone Draco Malfoy.

Then without so much as a goodbye, he left me in the library again.

Even though I knew this made things even more difficult, having given in and had sex with Draco again, I didn't regret it. Instead, my tears and hurt from the argument with Ron had seemed to disappeared and I could hardly recall why I had gone to the library in the first place. Then I remember; Ron and I broke up and I was a slut. Suddenly I wished Draco had stayed and comforted me rather than leaving me alone and used. At least this time, I didn't hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hermione**

I saw Draco in the hallway outside the Great Hall before breakfast the morning after our second time together. We actually talked. Even if it was a very short conversation, it was a start. His husky voice sent chills through me.

Me: Hello, Draco.

Draco: Hello, Granger.

Me: I had a good time in the library last night... But I think I need to study tonight.

Him: Is that right, Granger? You just can't get enough of the library after hours, can you?

Me (trying to flirt): No, I can't. But I have a feeling neither can you.

Him: I could, but I'll be there tonight.

And with that he walked away from me into the Great Hall. I couldn't help smiling as I wanted to the Gryffindor table, until I got to the table. Ron didn't say a word to me and wouldn't even look at me. Ginny, on the other hand, stared at me in silence as I sat down on the other side of Harry and started to serve myself breakfast. After a moment, I asked Ginny "What?" since I was already getting fed up with her staring.

"Something's wrong..." Ginny said, but not as a question, as a statement.

I didn't answer her, because I noticed Ron was staring at me now. His stare wasn't angry or suspicion, like the night before, but hurt and lost. I stared at him for a moment, too, feeling guilt wash over me. Quickly I turned to my food. Ginny and Harry stared at me with suspicion. I couldn't take it after a minute and without a word, got up from the table and left the Hall.

I didn't have a destination in mind, but I, of course, found myself at the library. Madam Pince was standing behind the counter and stared at me as I aimlessly walked through the aisles. A few minutes after I came in, Ron came in. I was about to leave when he walked up to me.

Ron: Hermione, we need to talk.

Me nervous and guilt-ridden: What about?

Him: I'm sorry.

Me: silence.

Him: You don't have to forgive me, but I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I did. I mean, I called you a slut, you had every right to slap me and run out. But... I'm sorry. You are not a slut.

Me: It's okay, Ron. I know I've been acting strange lately.

Him: Really? You forgive me?

Me slightly less nervous, but still guilt-ridden: Of course. I mean, I'm not going to date you again, but we can at least be friends, can't we?

Him grinning: Of course!

Me not nervous, but even more guilty-ridden: Let's forget about it. And move on, as friends.

Him: Sure. Want to want to Charms together?

Me: nods.

So, Ron and I are friends. Thank God. I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't made up. Sure, what he said hurt, but it was true, wasn't it? I mean, I did cheat on him, with Malfoy of all people! But no one else needs to know that. No one. I can keep a secret, and I know Malfoy won't be spreading the fact he is sleeping with me around. I mean, he hates me. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to him so much and ready to risk so much to be with him. "Be with him"? What? I hope I mean just physically, but somehow I doubt that one.

Well, all is well with Ron and I get to see Draco tonight, so I have something to look forward to.

**Draco**

I talked to the Mudblood this morning. I swear she was even trying to flirt, but trying subtle about it. It was almost laughable. The girl can't flirt, but it's amusing to see her try. I don't know how Ron got along with her, he didn't fuck her, she's not a flirt. What did they do? Talk! It's so laughable, talking with a female. I mean, a female is good for fucking, not talking.

Pansy kept trying to get me to agree to meet her in the Common room after hours tonight, but I have plans, damn it. Maybe I'll go to her after I go to the library...

I still can't believe what that Mudblood does to me though. I thought the first night was good, but last night. My God. She took me far beyond any place I've ever been. She was so free, so naive, so unconstrained. She was perfect. She was giving. Most girls I fuck take, take, take. She gave. I just don't get what she does to me. She's something else that Mudblood. But she'll fade out. She's still riding the high of learning about fucking.

**Ginny**

Something is wrong with Hermione. I waited for her in the Common Room well after hours after I yelled at Ron, but she never came. I finally went up to bed. She woke up later than normal today too. I don't know what she doing so late, but I can imagine. And if I'm correct, she's lying. Well not technically, but what she's leading Ron to believe is a lie. She is cheating on him if I'm right. But I can't figure out with who! I need to know who before I can talk to her about it. But I'm so close to the end of my patience that I'm ready to just confront her next time I see her.

But the truth is, I'm worried about her. It's like she's in danger, but I don't know why I have that feeling. Except, she's not acting normal.

**Hermione**

Ginny knows. Well, she knows something is up. She thinks I'm lying to Ron. She told me so when she caught up to me between classes.

Ginny: Hermione, I need to talk to you.

Me: Don't worry, Ginny, Ron and I made up already.

Ginny: I know. That's part of the reason I need to talk to you.

Me: Oh?

Ginny: Yes. I think you're leading Ron to believe a lie.

Me: What lie?

Ginny: You haven't actually said it, but I believe you are cheating. With someone, but I don't know who.

Me: shrugs.

Ginny: You won't deny it?

Me: You won't believe me if I do. Now will you?

Ginny: Well, no. But you could at least try for Ron's sake.

Me: Ginny, Ron and I are no longer together. We are just friends.

Ginny: But I think you were with someone while you were with him.

Me: Good for you. Can I ask you who I was supposedly with?

Ginny: I don't know. Yet. But I will,

Me: Sure, Ginny, sure. I don't care what you think, but I did not cheat on Ron. I can't believe you don't believe me.

Ginny: Where were you last night then?

Me: Studying.

Ginny sarcastically: When in doubt, go to the library.

Me: Are you done accusing me? Your brother believes me, why don't you?

Ginny: I'm a girl. I know you aren't acting right.

Me: shrugs.

Ginny: Hermione, please tell me. I only ask because I care.

Me: About Ron.

Ginny: No! About you, Hermione! I just want to know what's going on so I can help.

Me: Look, Ginny, thanks for the concern. But everything's fine. Okay?

Ginny: Sure. Sure. I have to go to class anyway.

And she walked away. Why do I feel so guilty? I blatantly lied. I've avoided blatantly lying until now, but I had to. She just wouldn't let it go. Why is she so obsessed with this? She's like my sister, for goodness sake. But she is Ron's sister... Oh my, this is getting more and more confusing.

I can't wait to get my mind off things when I see Draco tonight. Just a few more hours...

**Draco**

I fucked Pansy. She's still as wild as she ever was. So experienced and her body is still incredible, but something didn't feel right. Even though we did the right things, said the right words, and felt the right things, something just wasn't right.

I only fucked her because my father sent me another letter today. Snape had sent him my marks in Potions like he requested and it was lower than before. He was bloody furious. I could feel his angry radiating through the letter itself. He tells me to get my mind on my schoolwork and stop fucking around. I find the funny, but I can't help but wonder if someone is spying on me and relies my every movement to him. I wouldn't put it past him. And since he is Malfoy it isn't like he couldn't find people who would do his dirty work for him. Hell, Pansy could be the spy. But then again, my father has his pride and asking for someone to spy on me would be admitting I wasn't the perfect Malfoy son, and I don't think even he would handle that.

After I read the letter I threw it in the fire. Pansy came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. Then she purred into my ear.

Pansy: Draco, lover, did you get some bad news? If so, I think I can help you. I know all the right things to do. she ran her figures down the front of my shirt You know I'm good, and you know you want me. she licked my ear Come up to the girl's dormitories with me. They're empty. And we can lock the door. she licked the inside of my ear, sending a shiver down my spine No one cares...

Ignoring my better judgement, I agreed to meet her in two minutes. She sent feather-light kisses over my neck and then left. I followed her two minutes later and when I enter the dormitory (we Slytherins learn how to counter the "no boys in the girl's dormitories" rule early on), Pansy is laying on one of the four-post beds, naked. I'm a guy and I immediately felt lust. But mixed in was guilt and that made me angry. We fucked savagely and hard. Neither of us asked the other to slow down or be gentle. The fuck didn't last long, but it was enough to satisfy my anger for the moment.

When I looked at the clock I realized I was late for my meeting with the Mudblood. Ignoring Pansy's protests, I dressed and ran out of the dormitories straight to the library.

**Ginny**

I'm done acting useless and like I'm just concerned. I want answers, and I want them now.

I'm going to the library after hours.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Attention:** I have decided the fic will only have **SIX** chapters. **Also, the title is correct!** "Sordid" (as you might think I mean) means filthy;_ "sorted" _means_ "one that exemplifies the characteristics of or serves a similar function to another," _which I used in reference to the journals retelling some of the events._

**Hermione**

I ignored him at dinner, but he ignored me, too, so it was fair. But I couldn't help but stare and imagine the feel of his lips on mine, or the touch of his hands. Or, well everything else about him. I keep feeling like a bloody stalker as this... affair continues. It's as if I'm watching him from afar only, but I'm not since, well, we aren't at all far apart during the times in the library. We are so bloody close in those times in the library it almost seems impossible we can still find ourselves afterwards.

The library has come to mean something different to me these days. And the smell of old books and dust reminds me of Draco. And it's mingled with the scent and feel of sex in my senses and memories.

I left the Common Room right before curfew without a word to anyone, but I felt someone was watching me all night...

I walked around that bloody library for an hour before I gave up. Well, I guess I didn't give up exactly, I conjured up a blanket and laid down.

Yes, I admit it. I fell asleep.

I had a sweet dream, however. Draco and I were in the Owlery having sex. The night air was cool and perfect on my face. And his breath was hot and sweet on my body. His hands were everything; my hands were touching him wherever I could reach him. He was inside me... and then he was kissing me.

I don't know how long I slept to be honest. I woke up the best way though... Draco was kissing me... in real life instead of just my dream.

**Draco**

By the time I got to the library she was sleeping. Sleeping? I couldn't believe my eyes...

But she looked beautiful.

She looked so peaceful and calm asleep. Trusting, really. She was in the library for anyone to find, and she was asleep.

That amuses me.

I couldn't help it, I kissed her. A long, searing kiss.

She woke up slowly and began to kiss me back. I wish I knew weather she knew it was me or weather she just assumed it was me. To be honest, unless she opened her eyes and checked, anyone could have been kissing her. She was in the bloody library asleep for goodness' sake. I mean, doesn't she remember what has happened in the library before?

**Hermione**

The kiss wasn't gentle nor did I want it to be gentle. But we just kissed for quite some time before either of us made any move to do anything else.

I wanted him to make the first move. Except, I was waiting for an apology for his lateness too. What on earth could he have been doing so late?

No. I don't want to know.

It was getting so bloody hot in the library I began to take off my robes. The look on his face was priceless, all shocked but intrigued.

We had sex this time so slowly it was almost painful. Each movement seemed to be a planned move by Draco, which is unlike all the other times when it was spontaneous. I don't know, to be honest, which I like better. Should I like one of them better?

Now I sound like... well, Ron would be right if he could hear my thoughts now.

But I'm not. I'm not a slut. I can't be... He's only been him. Draco only. That means I'm not a slut.

Why don't I feel like a slut when I'm with Draco, but I wouldn't shag Ron because I felt I wasn't "already?" Was I always just waiting for the opportunity in the library?

**Draco**

I made sure I was slow when I took her this time, because Pansy had been a quick fuck.

But that Mudblood was somehow more than just a quick fuck. And I don't know why.

I've been racking my brain as I kiss her, stroke her, to figure out what's so different about fucking her opposed to Pansy or any of the other girls I have, and all I could think of is:

1. She's a Mudblood and I still feel like I'm getting my father back. Yet, if I'm honest, I know it's more than that now. My father has nothing to do with it now.

2. She was a virgin when I took her first. Do I feel so kind of guilt for taking her virginity? I've taken other virgins before, why is she so different (if she is different)?

3. She doesn't know much about sex, and I feel I must teach her (mostly unlikely since she seems to be a natural and doesn't have to be told by me where to put her hands or told anything to make the sex better),

4. Every time she takes me... to a place I'd never been before. This one scares me. Because of the reason she takes me some place I've never been. It's like I actually... care about her. But that can't be, can it? She's bloody Mudblood and Weasley's girlfriend!

Yes the Mudblood takes me to heaven each time. Each and every bloody time. I wish it would stop. Because this is making me vulnerable, because I actually felt bad for being late and finding her asleep. I want to blame my repsond on the fact I don't have to teach her anything, or on the fact that she is Weasley's girlfriend and Potter's friend and I feel like I'm "winning" the private little war we plague against each other. Yet, I don't think that's true. I don't think this has anything to do with anyone but the Mudblood and myself.

But she waited for me.

She waited for me and that must mean something. That has to mean something.

She waited for me.

**Hermione**

Draco and I were undressed and joined when I heard movement near the library door. I turned my head slightly and gasped with horror.

Ginny Weasley was standing in the door that was ajar (weather she opened it or Draco left it opened on accident, I don't know). Her face was stark white with surprise, her mouth opened slightly with wide eyes. She was just staring at us, utterly still.

I started to push Draco off of me even though I was knew Ginny already knew. She knew who I was with and what I was doing.

I was caught. And I was scared out of my mind.

Ginny, suddenly, turned and ran away from the door.

**Draco**

The Mudblood started to push me off. At first I thought I was hurting her, so I immediately withdrew. "What did I hurt you?" I asked with concern. But I noticed that she wasn't even looking at me, but in the direction of the door. I turned and saw it was ajar. I know I had closed the door after I came in. I cursed.

Someone must have saw us, and the Mudblood saw who.

"Who was it?" I said quietly.

She didn't need me to explain. "Ginny Weasley."

I cursed again. Of course, it had to be a Gryffindor and her friend. She wasn't looking at me but at the door. "Go back to your dorm, maybe we can say we were both in the dorm all night."

The Mudblood shook her head. Tears slowly started to slide down her face. A felt a guilt I had honestly never felt before came over me. No anger, just guilt. I wasn't ashamed, but she was. And I should have realized she was, but I had not. I had thought her waiting for me had meant something. No, all it was to her was sex. Plain and simple. Just how I should like it. No, just how I do like it. Right?

Slowly, against my every learned instinct, I brought her gently into my arms and held her. To my surprise, especially since she was ashamed, she leaned against my bare chest and wept.

Somehow I felt worse that we had been caught and she was crying then angry that she was ashamed of fucking me.

**Hermione**

Ginny saw us. Ginny saw us. Ginny saw us.

The phrase keeps repeating itself in my head over and over and I still can't fully wrap my head around it. I knew she was catching on and getting fed up with my answers, but to actually follow me? I didn't think she'd sink that low, but she did. Somehow she found it in herself to actually spy on me. And that shows what kind of friend she is. Either, she's a great friend for caring; or she's a horrible friend for not trusting me. At this moment, weeping in Draco's strong arms, I think it's more the latter.

I know she will tell everyone, not because she will mean to, but because she'll want everyone to know "what's wrong" with me. Because she'll think it's Draco. But Draco is the only thing that is right.

He's holding me, just holding me. I feel this is completely strange, but I need the comfort. And the thing is, I'm not ashamed of being found out, I'm just so scared of what will happen now that we are. I had sex and I know almost everyone does eventually during their school years, but normally it's not a couple like Malfoy and I. I have to admit we must be a pretty strange couple to see having sex. I, a Muggleborn, and him, a Pureblood who hates Muggleborns. I still can't believe it happened, but now everyone is going to know. And I don't want to know what kind of trouble this will start for us.

"I"m sorry," Draco's voice said softly.

Pulling away, I asked, "What for?"

He gave me a small, pitiful form of his smug smile, "For being caught. For having sex with you. For you being ashamed."

The last statement of his ripped my heart in two. He thought I was ashamed? "But I'm not. I'm not sorry nor am I ashamed," I clarified myself.

He stared at me for a long moment. "Really?" he whispered disbelievingly.

I leaned over and, on impulse, pressed my lips to kiss. "Really. If I'm going to do something, it's not worth being ashamed of."


	5. Chapter 5

**Draco**

Hearing the words she wasn't ashamed out of her mouth changed everything. It changed what meaning caught meant for one thing.

I, even to my own personal surprise, am not ashamed of our little... affair; instead I don't care who knows. I know there will be a bloody uproar when everyone finds out, but they had to eventually find out anyway. Sooner the better, they say. Personally I could have kept this secret for much longer, but you can't change what's done. And what's done is Ginny Weasley caught us.

The sneaky little girl though. She followed the Mudblood to the library. She spied on her own friend! That's something you can expect from a Slytherin, but a Gryffindor? They are suppose to be all loyal and crap. They are suppose to trust their friends, but apparently that girl doesn't. Or she doesn't trust the Mudblood at least. She saw and we can't really deny it either. I mean why would a friend of the Mudblood create the story she saw the Mudblood and myself fucking the library? Highly doubtful.

The Mudblood still crying, but not so hard. Holding her is not so awkward and that... almost scares me.

She waited for me tonight.

She's not ashamed.

Those two thoughts make everything seem like it's going to be okay and I don't know why.

**Hermione**

I'm not ashamed. I'm scared. Scared out of my mind.

What will happen? Will Ron hate me? Will Harry hate me? Will I be shunned? Will Draco be shunned? To a Slytherin, a Pureblood, I'm not exactly their first choice. Normally... but Draco did choose me, did he not?

I'm so scared. What will the teachers say? If we are caught like this, naked and alone in the library, will we be expelled? Will Ginny run to an adult or run back to the dormitory and let me come back? Will she confront me or tell everyone while acting, to my face, like she didn't see anything? What if I'm expelled and kicked out of Hogwarts and forced to go home? What will I tell my parents, "I was caught having sex in the library and expelled?" My parents will surely hate that. My parents won't accept that.

I don't even know how to fix this. I don't know what to do know. Part of me wants to continue what I stopped with Draco; another part of me wants to run as far as I can away from the library.

But I won't deny it... having Draco hold me is more comforting than anything.

**Ginny**

Oh Merlin! Oh Gods!

Hermione and... and Draco Malfoy!

Hermione was cheating on my brother - my brother! - with Draco Malfoy of all people! It wasn't even a Gryffinor, or a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw; it was a Slytherin. It was the King of Gits, Draco Malfoy!

Has she officially lost her mind? How can she be so stupid to do something like that? Not just is she risking her relationship with Ron, but also her school career, because surely if a teacher found them (and they are in the library, surely not that hidden) they will be expelled.

But why Draco Malfoy of all people anyway? Sure, he's handsome, but his personality makes me want to puke most of the time. What the hell can she see in him?

Oh Merlin, Hermione and Draco... having sex!

I can barely believe what I saw.

I don't know how many people will believe me if I told anyway. But I have to try. Ron and Harry has to know. This is for Hermione's safety.

**Hermione**

Draco has been holding me, who is crying, for an hour and no one has come, nor has he moved. Part of me is now just staying in his arms for the familiarity not really the comfort. I'm scared still, I mean who wouldn't be? But the shock has wore off a little. I can think a little more clearly.

I am only thinking about getting one last time in before it all falls apart around us. This small, fragile shelter we made around us is going to leave us soon and I want one more time in it. I want Draco once more before he's gone.

**Draco**

The Mudblood kissed me with a tear-stained face. Her eyes, her brown eyes, are full of passion and hunger. I think she wants one more time before we have to give it up and I agree it. I want more. But not just once more. A lot more. I don't want to have to give this up. I'm sure, if we talk about it, we can find ways for us to continue even if we publicly "break up." She's the smartest witch in our year... if anyone can think of a way, she can.

"Don't," I murmured against her mouth. "We need to talk."

I could barely believe I was choosing talking over fucking, but I was. The Mudblood's shock and slight hurt was evident on her face. She moved away, just staring at me.

"I don't want this to be our last time," I stated clearly.

A smile, sweet smile crept on her face, but it disappeared faster than it appeared. "We can't continue. Malfoy, Ginny saw us. She knows." She frowned at me with a sexy pout that almost made me forget my decision to talk and pull her in my arms again.

"Come on, Granger," I said, "you're the best witch in our year, you were raised by Muggles–" her eyebrows went up in suspicion, so I rushed on, "who have to find ways out of unpleasant situations without magic daily. Come on, Granger, don't tell me you haven't heard of a Muggle ay out of this situation. Just so we can continue. In secret."

"Must it be in secret?" she whispered. Her suspicion gone. I stared at her for a moment which is probably why she added, "We could easily become a 'couple' and then we can do what we want. Mind you, we still have to avoid the teachers at night, but we won't have to avoid the teachers. Or be ashamed."

When she added the last bit my heart squeezed. She thought I was ashamed, that was almost laughable. "If," I said slowly, "either of us was really ashamed, we would have left."

Another small, sweet smile came to her lips, and this time it stayed. "So what's the big deal? All we have to do is squash rumors of shagging which, even in this school, is not hard considering everyone knows how not to get caught."

"But everyone does it," I whispered quietly, remembering all the girls I had shagged before her. And one after. "But do you want to be a couple... with me?"

The Mudblood looked at me for a moment, thinking. Finally, she said, "Only if you start to call me Hermione."

**Hermione**

He always calls me Granger which makes me have to call him Malfoy and if we are going to be... involved, we need to change that. I won't continue to have sex with him if I know him as freaking Malfoy and not Draco. He's Draco and Draco is different than who I know Malfoy to be. Isn't that strange? They are the same person aren't they?

"Hermione," he said as if testing the feel of my name on his lips. He smiled a smile of sweetness rather than arrogance. "Hermione, I like it."

I smiled broadly, leaning forward to kiss him,

"Are you sure?" he whispered. My answer was to kiss him. And then deepen the kiss.

Slowly we resumed our love play.

**Ginny**

I told Harry and Ron; neither believed me, of course. I knew they wouldn't. Ron had actually laughed. "It's more likely she was cheating on me with Neville!" he had said. But he's wrong. Harry had just shook his head and said he didn't believe me. At least he didn't laugh... I'll give Harry the fact he didn't laugh.

I know this has become somewhat of an obsession with me, but I have to find a way to get Harry and Ron to believe me, so we can all talk to Hermione. The more I think about Hermione with Draco, the scarier the thought becomes and the more urgent it seems to get her help. I would say she might be under the Imperious Curse, but I really don't think she is. I think, and this scares me most, she is with him on her own free will.

Tonight, when I go to the library, I'll bring a camera. Or maybe find a way to use a pensieve and show them the memory.

**Hermione**

I didn't talk to Ginny when I saw her this morning, the morning after she caught Draco and I, but she didn't talk to me either. Everyone actually was usually quiet and distant towards me. I can only imagine that Ginny told the lot of them, but no one said a word about it.

I forced myself not to even look toward the Slytherin table. Draco had told me the night before, when we were kissing goodbye, that he would fix it. And I believe him. I just hope he doesn't take too long. There's commotion on the other side of the Great Hall...

There's Ginny. She wants to talk. I don't really want to talk, but I will. Deny. I will deny it until Draco does something. He said he would... and I believe him.


End file.
